Fullmetal Twilite PARODY
by Princess Link
Summary: AKA, a parody of another fanfiction by Tara freakin Gilesbie. Ed gets drunk and goes to Forks. This will end well...
1. Chapter 1

**Heyo! If you've read my parody of Mishonh from God, then you probably know I take Mandarin. One day I got bored and decided to translate the names of the Xingese characters from Fullmetal Alchemist. And since this is a FMA fanfiction (technically crossover) I decided to put the translations of their names here (Please note that this may not be very accurate. Mandarin is a very complex language. The meaning of a word depends on the tone used):  
Ling Yao=Zero to want (This actually makes sense, seeing as he becomes Greed).  
Lan Fan=blue food  
Mei Chang=beautiful long  
Xiao Mei=small beautiful  
And, for no real reason, my Mandarin name: Fu Mei Ling. I have no clue what it means except has the mei that means beautiful. Disclaimer: this fanfic includes drunken stupidity, murder, OCs, cursing, and Japanese honorifics. I do not own FMA, Twilight, or Fullmetal Twilite. Now let's do this!**

Fullmetal Twilite PARODY  
Chapter One: The Night of Drunken Stupidity

Edward Elric was drunk. He was also in Forks, Washington, for some reason. I guess Tara didn't feel the need to why the _hell_ Ed was even in America! Edward Cullen and Bella were just idiots.  
"Oms, who are you?" Ed asked no one. Unfortunately for him, Edward Cullen (who will henceforth be known simply as Cullen) was right behind him.  
"I'm Edward," Cullen said.  
"Whoaaaaaaa," Ed said, sounding like a child on Christmas, "I'm Edward too."  
"I'm also Edward," said Edward from Rune Factory.  
"Edward, go home you're drunk," Bo said. Edward (very sadly) walked away.  
Bo unsheathed her sword and pointed it at Cullen.  
"I will kill you," Bo said, "Me and Iris-chan both."  
"We aren't in Japan, Bo," Iris said.  
"You have to call me Bo-chan," Bo said. Iris sighed.  
By this time, Ed had wandered into the street. Mist dragged him back.  
"E-Ed-kun," Mist shouted, which really meant she talked slightly quieter than most people normally do,"Y-you can't wall into the street! W-what would Al-kun and Winry-chan do?!"  
"We're in Japan?" Ed asked.  
"NO!" Iris shouted. Then Bella walked up to Ed and smelled his arm.  
"Hi sexy," she said.  
Ed flailed his arms around, hitting Bella in the face and shouted, "I am a steg- o-saurus!"  
"Dewd, I'm your boyfriend, not him," Cullen said.  
"Oh, I thought I was you cuz we look exactly alike," Ed said. Bo, Iris, and Mist face palmed.  
"Ed-kun…" Mist said warningly.  
"Well just don't hit on ma' girlfriend again, you freakin' alchemist," Cullen said. He made a confused face. Bo and Iris sighed.  
"Prepare yourselves," Iris told Ed, Cullen, Bella, and Mist.  
"Huh?" they asked. Well, Cullen and Bella did, anyway. Ed had wandered into the street again and Mist ran out to retrieve him.  
"Let's go to the bar," Bella suggested.  
"Yeah, cause that's exactly what Ed-kun needs, MORE alcohol in his system," Mist said. So they all climbed into Cullen's car. At the bar, everyone got beer.  
"My daughter could do simple math when she was four months old," bragged a very drunk Cullen. Mist was hitting her head on a wall.  
"Winry-chan and Al-kun are gonna kill me," she moaned.  
On the ride home, Bella started making out with Ed. Cullen, who should NOT have been driving, was perfectly fine with it. Because according to him, it's not cheating if you look like whoever's spouse/lover you're having an affair with. Even though Ed looks nothing like Cullen. Mist, however was freaking out.  
"E-Ed-kun," she shouted," W-Winry-chan is gonna kill you!"  
She imagined Winry killing Ed with her wrench.  
"Don't worry, Mist-san," Bo said happily, turning around (she was sitting in the front), "Me and Iris-chan are gonna kill them."  
"Th-thank you, B-Bo-san," Mist said. When they got to Cullen and Bella's house, Bella asked Ed to date her. He agreed and they slept in a pile in Cullen and Bella's room. Bo, Iris, and Mist slept in the living room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
The Next Morning

"Al, get off me," Ed mumbled sleepily. He tried to push what he believed to be his brother's sleeping body off of him. However, it soon became apparent that "Al" was actually two people. When he finally managed to wriggled out of the bed, he noticed two things. One, he had been under the corpses of Cullen and Bella, and two, he was covered in blood.  
"Yup just another morning. Nothing strange about this at all," he said sarcastically. He walked into the kitchen.  
"Moooorning," Bo said, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "Want some?  
Ed stared at her, "Do I know you? Where am I? And why the Hell are there dead bodies in the other room?"  
"No, Forks, Washington, and me and Iris-chan killed them," Bo said calmly, "Now do you want coffe or not?"  
"Sure, whatever," Ed waved his hand.  
Bo poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Ed.  
"Wait did you say you KILLED those people?!" Ed spit out his coffee.  
"Yeah, me and Iris-chan both," Bo said, "You should probably take a shower."  
"You killed them though!" Ed shouted.  
"You don't remember last night, do you?" Bo asked him, "Mist-san was freaking out so we thought it'd be a good time to finally kill them."  
"What…?" Ed asked, "Mist's here? Why was she freaking out?"  
"You were REALLY drunk last night. You started making out with Bella," Bo explained.  
"Who?" Ed asked.  
"The girl on the bed," Bo explained.  
"Hm, Ed said, "So you killed her just because I drunkenly made out with her? What about the guy?"  
"His name is Edward Cullen. And me and Iris-chan were planning to kill them long before you got involved."  
They heard the sounds of Bill Nye from the living room.  
"Sounds like someone's awake," Bo said. She walked into the bathroom. When she came back, she was holding Cullen's clothes, which she threw at Ed.  
"Get a shower," she commanded, "When you're done, put these on. We'll wash your clothes later."  
"Ooookay?" Ed said, walking into the bathroom.

An hour later, they were driving in Cullen's car. Ed was wearing Cullen's clothes, while Bo and Iris were wearing Bella's clothes. Since Mist was not asleep under the corpses, and she had nothing to do with the murders, she just wore her normal clothes, though she did steal a pair of Bella's boots. The stopped at Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.  
"At least Winry-chan won't kill you, "Mist said when they were driving again, "Maybe just maim. Or seriously injure."  
"No, she's still gonna kill me," Ed said, "I did cheat on her with Bella."  
"Who is now wrapped in a blanket in the trunk with her husband, Eddie-Spaghetti," Mist said happily," And why do you even have to tell her about Bella? We could just say you were out with some friends, which is true-"  
"Somewhat."  
"And it got too late and you were too far away to go home, which is also true," Mist said, "Bam, no mention of Bella or your drunken-ness."  
Ed sighed.  
"We're here!" Bo announced. Everyone got out of the car. They were on a cliff overlooking a lake.  
"Mist-san, you keep watch!" Bo shouted.  
"R-right!"  
"Iris-chan, get the cinderblocks!"  
"Why are you the boss!?"  
"Ed-san, help me with the bodies!"  
Ed sighed. Bo opened the trunk. Bella and Cullen's corpses were wrapped in blankets. Bo and Ed half carried and half dragged the bodies while Iris got the cinderblocks from the backseat. They dragged the bodies to the edge of the cliff before dropping them and unwrapping the blankets. Bo, Iris, and Ed tied the cinderblocks around Bella and Cullen's hands and feet before pushing them off the cliff.  
"We'll be long gone by the time they find 'em," Bo said.

After tossing the blankets in the trunk, they drove back to Bella and Cullen's house to wash their clothes, the blankets, and the sheets on Cullen and Bella's bed. Then Mist made the bed while everyone got dressed.  
"I-if we don't leave now, W-winry-chan and Al-kun are gonna k-kill us," Mist told Ed after he got dressed.  
"Oh, don't worry about that," said Bo, who was also dressed. She snapped her fingers and teleported everyone home.


End file.
